We live in a world today where disagreements are so prevalent. Name any topic or issue. We do not have to look very hard or far in order to find people who will vehemently disagree over any issue. Disagreement even happens in the church. Because of an apparent disagreement, Paul entreated Euodia and Syntyche “to agree in the Lord” (Philippians 4:2).
Even though the Bible teaches us to be compassionate, kind, humble, meek, patient, forgiving, loving, peaceful, and thankful (Colossians 3:12-15), disagreements oftentimes create a lot of anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk (Colossians 3:8), especially on social media. Regardless of the topic, when we disagree with others, how can we interact with grace? I believe that James 1:19-20 presents three principles that help us to disagree gracefully: “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”
First, we need to “be quick to hear.” Oftentimes, when we disagree with others, instead of genuinely listening to the other side, we only think about what we are going to say next. Instead of hearing people and trying to understand the various perspectives that they have, we look to leave others speechless with a zinging “gotcha” statement. We tend to be quick to argue and speak. Oftentimes, we are not very quick to listen. When we disagree, we need to do the best that we can to lay aside initial judgments and thoughts in order to genuinely listen to what people have to say. We are quick to hear so that we can understand where people are coming from.
Second, we need to “be slow to speak.” Maybe you are like me. Especially when I disagree with others, my words tend to come out before I even have a chance to think about it! Before we respond to people that we disagree with, we need to take a moment to pause and think. We need to hesitate in order to ask ourselves questions like, “Do I even need to say this? Is it necessary? Will it be profitable for me to say this? If I do say this, how can I say it in a way that is helpful, genuine, and compassionate? If I say this, how is the other person going to receive it?” For a society like ours, perhaps we need to “be slow to type.” Let me suggest a practice to you that I have adopted in being slow to speak on social media. I take at least twenty-four hours before I post or comment on anything that could cause disagreement. That practice has helped me to better live at peace with all people (Romans 12:18). As we are quick to listen to others, let’s also be slow to speak.
Third, we need to “be slow to anger.” We have all met people who we would describe as being “hotheaded.” Disagreements have the potential to bring that out in people so quickly. When we get angry, we struggle to listen and hold back our words. When we disagree with others and we can feel ourselves getting angry, it would be wise to take a few moments to step away from the conversation; return to it when you can think logically instead of emotionally. Pray for the person you disagree with; I have found it difficult to be angry with a person when I take the time to bring his/her name before the throne of God Almighty. While being angry is not inherently wrong, we need to be intentional about not being quick to be angry. When we are angry all of the time, we will not be able to reflect the righteousness of God in our lives.
Disagreements are going to happen. Disagreement is a part of life and cannot be avoided. How can we handle disagreement with grace? Be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger.
-Tyler Alverson
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