At daycare one day, a little girl heard the story of Snow White for the first time. She was so full of excitement that she could hardly contain herself. When her mom picked her up, the first thing she did was retell the entire fairy tale. After describing how Prince Charming arrived on his beautiful white horse and kissed Snow White back to life, she asked her mom, “Do you know how the story ended?” “Yes,” her mom said, “Didn’t they live happily ever after?” The little girl replied, “No, they didn’t live happily ever after; they got married.”
Isn’t it sad that many marriages feel like that? All the way back in Genesis 2:18, God created marriage so that people would not have to go through life alone. Scripture shows us that God intends marriage to be fulfilling—full of joy and happiness. He designed it to be a union between a man and a woman that honors and reflects who He is. Yet so often, even within the church, we see the opposite. For some, instead of being fulfilling and joyful, marriage is draining and filled with bickering and bitterness. Instead of reflecting and glorifying God, it becomes a loose connection that mirrors the world. For some, instead of helping, marriage hurts. Instead of “living happily ever after,” they got married instead.
But when we turn to Scripture, we are reminded that marriage does not have to be that way. In Ephesians 5:22–33, we learn that marriage can only become what God designed it to be when both the husband and wife fulfill their God-given roles and responsibilities. We often ask questions like this one: Is your marriage what you want it to be? That’s not a bad question; we all want our needs to be met. An even better question might be this one: Is your marriage what your spouse wants it to be? Meeting their needs matters deeply. Yet the most important question presented in Ephesians 5:22–23 is this: Is your marriage what God wants it to be? That is the question that truly matters. We spend so much time thinking about what we want in marriage; how often do we stop to consider what God wants?
So what does God want in marriage? Here is a great place to start: Does your marriage reflect the relationship between Christ and the church? That is the central message of Ephesians 5:22–33. Paul writes the following: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord” (5:22). “For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church” (5:23). “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands” (5:24). “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church” (5:25). “For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church” (5:29). “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church” (5:32). Do you see the pattern? Paul continually points us back to the relationship between Christ and His church and then calls us to mirror that relationship in our marriages. Spend time thinking about, praying about, and discussing this question with your spouse: Does your marriage reflect the relationship that exists between Christ and the church? Only then will our marriages be what God created them to be. Only then will we be truly fulfilled in our relationships with our spouses.
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